I received a card from someone that I don't know....she knows my cousin in Illionois and she sent me this beautiful card.
The Way to God:
If my days were untroubled and my heart always light,
Would I seek that fair land where there is no night?
If I never grew weary with the weight of my load,
would I seach for God's peace at the end of the road?
If I never knew sickness and never felt pain,
would I reach for a hand to help and sustain?
If I walked not with sorrow, and not lived with loss,
Would my soul seek sweet solace at the foot of the cross?
If all I desired was mine day by day,
Would I kneel before God and earnestly pray??
I ask myself this, and the answer is plain-
If my life were all pleasure and I never knew pain, I'd seek God less often and need Him much less,
For God's sought more often in times of distress
And NO ONE knows God or sees Him as plain as those who have met HIM on the pathway to pain!!!!
She then wrote me a letter telling that I am an inspiration to her....but no, you all who send me these messages and cards and letters...YOU ARE MY INSPIRATION!!! We serve an awesome God people!!!! I pray that you each have a wonderful Christmas holiday with your families and please know that you are all truly blessed beyond any circumstance you feel is holding you back. Our God has a reason as HE has such a great plan....just hold on tight and pray even harder because our little minds cannot come close to comprehending what He has in store for us. I love each and every one of you so much and look forwarding to hearing for you all!!! Love to you all!!!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Ahhhh.....LIFE IS AWESOME!!!!!
So....I know, it's been a while since I posted. Nothing too exciting has been going on....I'm just to dang lazy to get up and get on the computer. Last week, I ended up in the ER on Tuesday night....my upset stomach had me dehydrated and had me in a lot of pain. So....anyway, I'm good now. I've just been sleeping, trying to eat (LOST MORE WEIGHT....UGH.....I only weigh 107.9) BUT, they assure me that as soon as radiation is over that my stomach will get back to normal and I will be able to eat a full meal again...right now I'm eating basically like a 3 year old....my stomach just can't handle a lot.
I have been feeling like myself again the past few days and it feels great!!! I am actually excited about Christmas now...I wasn't too sure how I was going to make it through it with my boys. BUT, sometimes you meet people that bring things into prospective. I met a woman that has her chemo bag attached to her for 25 days....25 days people!!!!! I fuss about a week....she is also only on one type of chemo, so hers isn't as rough as mine, but still having to be attached to that stupid bag for that long can make you can insane. Please when you think about me....think about all of the other people that have cancer. You reallly can't tell that I have cancer....my hair has not started falling out at all...it's actually turning grey. Some of you have seen me out.....which I have to make myself get out in the public to make myself feel less isolated, but I think I've developed some sort of germ fobia. When I walk in somewhere and see a ton of people, I have to either walk back out or put my face in my jacket.....everywhere I look, it's like to air is green....ugh!!!! I start sweating and have to sit down. NOT COOL! Hugging people (which I am usually a hugger) makes me cringe. It's just the weirdest thing ever.
People have been so kind to us during this stormin our life and I am going to try to send out thank you cards. It's been a long rough road...we started all of the October 2010 (when I was diagnosed).
Love to you all!!! I will update again in a little bit....hopefully!!
I have been feeling like myself again the past few days and it feels great!!! I am actually excited about Christmas now...I wasn't too sure how I was going to make it through it with my boys. BUT, sometimes you meet people that bring things into prospective. I met a woman that has her chemo bag attached to her for 25 days....25 days people!!!!! I fuss about a week....she is also only on one type of chemo, so hers isn't as rough as mine, but still having to be attached to that stupid bag for that long can make you can insane. Please when you think about me....think about all of the other people that have cancer. You reallly can't tell that I have cancer....my hair has not started falling out at all...it's actually turning grey. Some of you have seen me out.....which I have to make myself get out in the public to make myself feel less isolated, but I think I've developed some sort of germ fobia. When I walk in somewhere and see a ton of people, I have to either walk back out or put my face in my jacket.....everywhere I look, it's like to air is green....ugh!!!! I start sweating and have to sit down. NOT COOL! Hugging people (which I am usually a hugger) makes me cringe. It's just the weirdest thing ever.
People have been so kind to us during this stormin our life and I am going to try to send out thank you cards. It's been a long rough road...we started all of the October 2010 (when I was diagnosed).
Love to you all!!! I will update again in a little bit....hopefully!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Round 2 bites the dust!!!!
Today I officially completed round 2 of chemo!!! Whoot Whoot!!! I am half way there people....I am half way there! I meant to update my blog all week, but chemo really takes it out of me and I don't really have much energy to do much.
I laid down to take a nap today and all I could do is cry. I cried, not for me, but for my boys, for my Mama, and for my husband. My boys miss me and it breaks my heart that I can't be the Mama that I usually am for them right now. They know we aren't supposed to be living at Mema's all the time...they just know that something isn't right and it makes me so sad. My Mama.....I see the worry and the stress in her eyes....I just wish that my Grandma was here to comfort her the way she has me. I know that just a small touch from her would make my Mama feel better.....it just breaks my heart. My husbands is so ready to have his family back in our own house again...he goes back and forth so much and I see the exhaustion on his face. I just think about them all and I know that it's all my fault and there's nothing I can do to fix it right now. So, when you pray for me....please pray for my family. Cancer doesn't just affect the person who has it....it affects every one that is close to that person.
Speaking of Cancer....what does it look like? When you think of someone that has cancer...do you think of a 33 year old mother, wife, daughter??? Or do you think of the old lady down the street? People....cancer wears many different hats and affects everyone differently. I have been driving myself to treatments this week (and am quite proud of myself)...but when I was driving the other day, I looked at the car next to me and the first thing I thought was I wonder if they have cancer! You never know....I'm sure no one would look at me and think I have it. As a matter of fact....I've been told that I look good and was told the other day that I didn't look like what someone thought I would look like. I guess that's good, but it just made me sad that we probably come in contact with someone with cancer, but we just don't think they look like they have cancer. I really hope that we can all start thinking about the people we come in contact with. You really have no idea what they are going through....your kind words, smile or just an act of kindness could really mean the world to someone.
Well....I think my hair is about to start falling out. I've noticed some hair in the tub when I get out...it's not a lot, but it's definitely there. I thought I would be ready for it to happen, but to be honest...I'm not so sure I want to look like I've got cancer. I know that sounds so shallow, especially after my paragraph above...but let me explain....I like being the one that shows people there's another side to this crap! I mean...I could care less about the hair...it's more the statement than anything. I just keep thinking of all the little children that go through this....can you imagine...your child having cancer? I'm sure my Mama never thought she'd say she would understand what those parents go through and even though I'm 33...I'm still my Mama's baby!
I pray that you all are doing great and will try to keep you updated a little better!!
Love to you all!!!
I laid down to take a nap today and all I could do is cry. I cried, not for me, but for my boys, for my Mama, and for my husband. My boys miss me and it breaks my heart that I can't be the Mama that I usually am for them right now. They know we aren't supposed to be living at Mema's all the time...they just know that something isn't right and it makes me so sad. My Mama.....I see the worry and the stress in her eyes....I just wish that my Grandma was here to comfort her the way she has me. I know that just a small touch from her would make my Mama feel better.....it just breaks my heart. My husbands is so ready to have his family back in our own house again...he goes back and forth so much and I see the exhaustion on his face. I just think about them all and I know that it's all my fault and there's nothing I can do to fix it right now. So, when you pray for me....please pray for my family. Cancer doesn't just affect the person who has it....it affects every one that is close to that person.
Speaking of Cancer....what does it look like? When you think of someone that has cancer...do you think of a 33 year old mother, wife, daughter??? Or do you think of the old lady down the street? People....cancer wears many different hats and affects everyone differently. I have been driving myself to treatments this week (and am quite proud of myself)...but when I was driving the other day, I looked at the car next to me and the first thing I thought was I wonder if they have cancer! You never know....I'm sure no one would look at me and think I have it. As a matter of fact....I've been told that I look good and was told the other day that I didn't look like what someone thought I would look like. I guess that's good, but it just made me sad that we probably come in contact with someone with cancer, but we just don't think they look like they have cancer. I really hope that we can all start thinking about the people we come in contact with. You really have no idea what they are going through....your kind words, smile or just an act of kindness could really mean the world to someone.
Well....I think my hair is about to start falling out. I've noticed some hair in the tub when I get out...it's not a lot, but it's definitely there. I thought I would be ready for it to happen, but to be honest...I'm not so sure I want to look like I've got cancer. I know that sounds so shallow, especially after my paragraph above...but let me explain....I like being the one that shows people there's another side to this crap! I mean...I could care less about the hair...it's more the statement than anything. I just keep thinking of all the little children that go through this....can you imagine...your child having cancer? I'm sure my Mama never thought she'd say she would understand what those parents go through and even though I'm 33...I'm still my Mama's baby!
I pray that you all are doing great and will try to keep you updated a little better!!
Love to you all!!!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
More Good Days!!!
Praise God for these good days.....I am loving them!!! Yesterday me and Mama went to The French Market and then to Rite Aide....probably not much to y'all, but it made me feel normal for a little bit. I am just so afraid that I'm going to get sick. I can't be around crowds of people right now and I'm not supposed to be hugging everyone, but when people see me....they wanna hug me! What am I supposed to do? I'm a huggy person! :) I think it's funny when people see me and say "well, you look good!" What do they expect me to look like? I guess when you have cancer there's a certain "look" you're supposed to have. hahahahahaha! My hair hasn't started falling out yet and the more I think about it falling out....it bothers me a little. It hasn't bothered me at all until the past couple of days, but it could be worse...it's just hair, right?
We are going to put up the Christmas tree at Mama and Daddy's tonight. This is going to be fun!!! I love Christmas time, but to be honest....this year is kinda yucky! I am just so thankful that I will be starting my second round of chemo Monday and then will be on the 2 week break during Christmas. I am really tired of all of this....I just can't think about it sometimes. I am so ready for my life to get back to normal. I am almost half way done though, so I am thankful for that.
You know....I've always donated things to people and I've done the thing where you buy Christmas presents for other people...I never thought in a million years that I would be on the receiving end of it. It's quite humbling, but it also makes me so thankful to be surrounded by such loving people that care about my boys and my family. Thank God Barry and I had already started our Christmas shopping before all of this started. But....we only got started on Sam (he is 3) and Andrew (he is 9 months)....I had to get Joey's Christmas list before I could start on him. Joey is not really talking to me right now....as most of you know, Joey moved to North Carolina in August to live with his dad. He is feeling guilty for not being here right now....he is 11 and is just going through a bunch of stuff. Bless his little heart. Y'all be in prayer for him as well. BUT....I am kinda glad he's not here to see all this that I'm going through.....I miss him so much.
Anyway....gotta go feed my babies! Love to you all and thank you all for being there for me and praying for me. I appreciate you all so very much.
We are going to put up the Christmas tree at Mama and Daddy's tonight. This is going to be fun!!! I love Christmas time, but to be honest....this year is kinda yucky! I am just so thankful that I will be starting my second round of chemo Monday and then will be on the 2 week break during Christmas. I am really tired of all of this....I just can't think about it sometimes. I am so ready for my life to get back to normal. I am almost half way done though, so I am thankful for that.
You know....I've always donated things to people and I've done the thing where you buy Christmas presents for other people...I never thought in a million years that I would be on the receiving end of it. It's quite humbling, but it also makes me so thankful to be surrounded by such loving people that care about my boys and my family. Thank God Barry and I had already started our Christmas shopping before all of this started. But....we only got started on Sam (he is 3) and Andrew (he is 9 months)....I had to get Joey's Christmas list before I could start on him. Joey is not really talking to me right now....as most of you know, Joey moved to North Carolina in August to live with his dad. He is feeling guilty for not being here right now....he is 11 and is just going through a bunch of stuff. Bless his little heart. Y'all be in prayer for him as well. BUT....I am kinda glad he's not here to see all this that I'm going through.....I miss him so much.
Anyway....gotta go feed my babies! Love to you all and thank you all for being there for me and praying for me. I appreciate you all so very much.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Another Day.....Another Blog
Hi! I hope everyone is doing awesome today!!! I have been doing great...I love these good days! :)
So....my last blog I stated that people proving themselves is different than just the words they say (as far as being there for you)....I just want to throw this out there. I wasn't talking about anyone not being there for me....I was mainly giving my cousin Jessica a little shout out for everything that she has done for me. My best friend texted me and said she was in tears because she felt like she hasn't been there for me like she should. BUT.....what I told her is that there is really nothing anyone can do and what I do need is words of encouragement and prayers and that is something I KNOW without a doubt that she is doing for me. I appreciate each and every one of you that has reached out to me....whether it be a little fb message or post on my page, a card, a text, a gift, food, prayers.....whatever it is that you have done...I appreciate it with all of my heart. My Mama and I were talking earlier and she said, "Jayme this has really taught me to reach out to people, even if we don't really know them or even if they aren't in our close circle...people are reaching out to you and it has taught me to not get so busy that I forget to do the same for other people." All of this hasn't just been a lesson for me, but I know other people are learning lessons too....especially my family! We are all dumbfounded at the outpouring of love to us right now. It gets me all teary eyed!!!!! OK...OK....enough sappy stuff....sometimes I feel like if I start crying, it will be days before I stop. :)
Y'all I really don't feel like I'm dong anything special by blogging or in the way I'm handling this....but obviously everyone else thinks I am. People are wanting to meet me...people are sending me messages that I don't even know....it's amazing how God is using me and my situation to reach people that I normally would never have any contact with what-so-ever! I've prayed for God to use me in mighty ways and recently I have prayed for God to show me how to be a witness to others....I kinda wish He had shown me without the whole cancer thing, but I am learning that we just use what we have and that's good enough for God. I don't have any special talents....I can't sing....I can't dance....I am not good with public speaking....but what do I have? I have cancer and I have a story, so as long as I tell my story and praise God through this...I am being a witness, right? I think so! :)
So...I guess what I'm trying to say is....it doesn't matter if you are having a bad hair day or if your kids are getting on your nervers....what matters is your attitude! Have an attitude of gratitude. Smile at someone....you never know what they are going through!
One thing that I am struggling with is my weight right now. As most of you know, I have always been very thin. Now....I have been losing weight....which is NOT good for me. I only weigh 110 now and everyone is trying to shovel food down my throat. I'm not trying to lose weight....I lost most of it when I was in the hospital and then as soon as I came back they hook me up to chemo. I am gotten my appetite back now...but I start my second round of chemo on Monday. Chemo....is not fun at all....I would take radiation any day over chemo! It makes you hurt all over, you can't taste food and then you're not hungry. I just have to figure out how to not lose any more weight. I am NOT looking forward to Monday to say the least. I go on Friday to get my blood work done and meet with the doctor. I am praying that the doctor will do something about my siatic nerve pain....this junk is for the birds. I do NOT like complaining and I do NOT like hurting (who does?)....but seriously...it hurts!
I have gotten so many special surprises lately and it makes me smile! So....thank you all for my special surprises. I've gotten teal sweat pants, a teal jacket, some books, candles, a scarf, a hat, lots and lots of cards.....all kinds of goodies. God will bless you people for loving me the way that you have! Y'all make my good days that much better and my bad days easier to deal with! You will never understand how truely grateful I am.
Oh and by the way.....I have 40 followers on my blog and my blog has been view 2,052 times!!! How awesome is that??? Little ol' Jayme has a fan club! Whooot Whoooot!!!! Go Jayme! Hahahaha!
"Blessed is the one who digs a well from which another may draw faith!"
So....my last blog I stated that people proving themselves is different than just the words they say (as far as being there for you)....I just want to throw this out there. I wasn't talking about anyone not being there for me....I was mainly giving my cousin Jessica a little shout out for everything that she has done for me. My best friend texted me and said she was in tears because she felt like she hasn't been there for me like she should. BUT.....what I told her is that there is really nothing anyone can do and what I do need is words of encouragement and prayers and that is something I KNOW without a doubt that she is doing for me. I appreciate each and every one of you that has reached out to me....whether it be a little fb message or post on my page, a card, a text, a gift, food, prayers.....whatever it is that you have done...I appreciate it with all of my heart. My Mama and I were talking earlier and she said, "Jayme this has really taught me to reach out to people, even if we don't really know them or even if they aren't in our close circle...people are reaching out to you and it has taught me to not get so busy that I forget to do the same for other people." All of this hasn't just been a lesson for me, but I know other people are learning lessons too....especially my family! We are all dumbfounded at the outpouring of love to us right now. It gets me all teary eyed!!!!! OK...OK....enough sappy stuff....sometimes I feel like if I start crying, it will be days before I stop. :)
Y'all I really don't feel like I'm dong anything special by blogging or in the way I'm handling this....but obviously everyone else thinks I am. People are wanting to meet me...people are sending me messages that I don't even know....it's amazing how God is using me and my situation to reach people that I normally would never have any contact with what-so-ever! I've prayed for God to use me in mighty ways and recently I have prayed for God to show me how to be a witness to others....I kinda wish He had shown me without the whole cancer thing, but I am learning that we just use what we have and that's good enough for God. I don't have any special talents....I can't sing....I can't dance....I am not good with public speaking....but what do I have? I have cancer and I have a story, so as long as I tell my story and praise God through this...I am being a witness, right? I think so! :)
So...I guess what I'm trying to say is....it doesn't matter if you are having a bad hair day or if your kids are getting on your nervers....what matters is your attitude! Have an attitude of gratitude. Smile at someone....you never know what they are going through!
One thing that I am struggling with is my weight right now. As most of you know, I have always been very thin. Now....I have been losing weight....which is NOT good for me. I only weigh 110 now and everyone is trying to shovel food down my throat. I'm not trying to lose weight....I lost most of it when I was in the hospital and then as soon as I came back they hook me up to chemo. I am gotten my appetite back now...but I start my second round of chemo on Monday. Chemo....is not fun at all....I would take radiation any day over chemo! It makes you hurt all over, you can't taste food and then you're not hungry. I just have to figure out how to not lose any more weight. I am NOT looking forward to Monday to say the least. I go on Friday to get my blood work done and meet with the doctor. I am praying that the doctor will do something about my siatic nerve pain....this junk is for the birds. I do NOT like complaining and I do NOT like hurting (who does?)....but seriously...it hurts!
I have gotten so many special surprises lately and it makes me smile! So....thank you all for my special surprises. I've gotten teal sweat pants, a teal jacket, some books, candles, a scarf, a hat, lots and lots of cards.....all kinds of goodies. God will bless you people for loving me the way that you have! Y'all make my good days that much better and my bad days easier to deal with! You will never understand how truely grateful I am.
Oh and by the way.....I have 40 followers on my blog and my blog has been view 2,052 times!!! How awesome is that??? Little ol' Jayme has a fan club! Whooot Whoooot!!!! Go Jayme! Hahahaha!
"Blessed is the one who digs a well from which another may draw faith!"
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